Self-Definition and Self-Love
Dear Dorothy: I have a relationship with a spiritual mentor and friend who is very dear to my heart, which has been causing me a lot of emotional distress for quite some time. This has to do with my attachment to her and my sensitivity to how she sees me. I am wanting to learn how to give love and connection to someone I treasure without wanting it back in equal measure.
Dorothy: Regarding your friend and mentor, I wanted to say that this situation sounds very similar to several situations that I had experienced in the past. I finally followed them back to my relationship with Mother and then to my relationship with God. In this process, I became empowered to trust only myself to define who I am. Never, never to define myself through the eyes of anyone else, ever. This was deeply liberating. Also, not identify myself with any of the roles which I play in life: mother, wife, teacher, student, etc, etc. These are only hats worn by Divine intelligence. Ultimately, Divinity is all there is. The phenomenal world ever attempts to reflect that Divinity, getting closer all the time, but always showing only a portion of It.
So, I offer this perspective. Your desire to love unconditionally is a way of self-strengthening, self-empowering, and self-communicating in your own divine nature. What it means to your friend is irrelevant, and she may not ever completely understand your offering. It doesn't matter. What matters is that your heart expands when you love. If you do so under compromised conditions this makes your heart even stronger. However, in the end, the lesson is to stay inside your comfort zone. Never self-sacrifice, because this will breed resentment and ultimately have a destructive effect on the relationship. Remember, when you love, it is your heart which is feeling the joy of love. The other person just gets the reflection of love.
This shows how valuable it is to receive love graciously. Yes? By being adorable, others enjoy the opening of their hearts through their relationship with you. What a beautiful gift to give the world!
This kind of relationship can be very challenging. The moment you do not feel easy in the relationship is the moment that the karma has been paid and you no longer owe anything. Do what ever you need to do to protect yourself, and don't count on anyone else to be watching out for your well-being. Even if another person is watching out for you, they will never be able to protect you as well as you will be able to protect yourself.
No one will ever be able to love you as well as you can love yourself. This is the fact, because only you live in your skin. Only you know truly how you feel and what you need at any given moment. Putting the responsibility to feel loved or protected on any one outside yourself is too much to ask of them, regardless of their strength and wisdom. Does this make sense?
Even parents have imperfections. There isn't anyone in the world other than yourself who can love you best. So, cultivate this relationship of self-love and you will never lose your beloved. You will never be let down. You will always have the highest quality care, protection, and nurturing. Are you on to this exercise? Big Hug. If not it will be very helpful, feels good and only takes a few moments.
Sending all my love,
Dorothy
Dorothy: Regarding your friend and mentor, I wanted to say that this situation sounds very similar to several situations that I had experienced in the past. I finally followed them back to my relationship with Mother and then to my relationship with God. In this process, I became empowered to trust only myself to define who I am. Never, never to define myself through the eyes of anyone else, ever. This was deeply liberating. Also, not identify myself with any of the roles which I play in life: mother, wife, teacher, student, etc, etc. These are only hats worn by Divine intelligence. Ultimately, Divinity is all there is. The phenomenal world ever attempts to reflect that Divinity, getting closer all the time, but always showing only a portion of It.
So, I offer this perspective. Your desire to love unconditionally is a way of self-strengthening, self-empowering, and self-communicating in your own divine nature. What it means to your friend is irrelevant, and she may not ever completely understand your offering. It doesn't matter. What matters is that your heart expands when you love. If you do so under compromised conditions this makes your heart even stronger. However, in the end, the lesson is to stay inside your comfort zone. Never self-sacrifice, because this will breed resentment and ultimately have a destructive effect on the relationship. Remember, when you love, it is your heart which is feeling the joy of love. The other person just gets the reflection of love.
This shows how valuable it is to receive love graciously. Yes? By being adorable, others enjoy the opening of their hearts through their relationship with you. What a beautiful gift to give the world!
This kind of relationship can be very challenging. The moment you do not feel easy in the relationship is the moment that the karma has been paid and you no longer owe anything. Do what ever you need to do to protect yourself, and don't count on anyone else to be watching out for your well-being. Even if another person is watching out for you, they will never be able to protect you as well as you will be able to protect yourself.
No one will ever be able to love you as well as you can love yourself. This is the fact, because only you live in your skin. Only you know truly how you feel and what you need at any given moment. Putting the responsibility to feel loved or protected on any one outside yourself is too much to ask of them, regardless of their strength and wisdom. Does this make sense?
Even parents have imperfections. There isn't anyone in the world other than yourself who can love you best. So, cultivate this relationship of self-love and you will never lose your beloved. You will never be let down. You will always have the highest quality care, protection, and nurturing. Are you on to this exercise? Big Hug. If not it will be very helpful, feels good and only takes a few moments.
Sending all my love,
Dorothy
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