Turning Insults into Cosmic Flowers

Dear Dorothy: You said that nature is trying to help me grow by bringing into light what I have repressed so I can expand and grow. And that to do so, I should interpret the message in the highest interpretation for my spiritual growth. I don't think I understand how to do this, or what this is. Lets say my sister tells me I am selfish. So the message is that I am selfish. What is the highest interpretation of this message? That indeed I am selfish and I need to be more selfless? That just feels like self-hate--which I have plenty of already :(

I know that this feeling that I am a bad person, who is unlikable, is just a story, a miserable story that I developed in this lifetime with my miserable family. I can see that in transcendental experiences which I can access.

The problem is that when I have to deal on the material plane with human beings, I feel that I don't quite know how to do things right, and if people get angry or upset its my fault. I find human relationships incredibly challenging.

Dorothy: People can only reflect their own stuff into the environment. So, when your sister tells you that you are selfish, this means that she is selfish. She is seeing her own reflection in the mirror of the universe. She is reflecting self-judgment back to you. Right? She is judging you. This is an opportunity for deep self-inquiry. "Where am I judging myself? Where am I being too hard on myself?" The environment will naturally magnify areas which need attention and send them to you for inspection. 

This situation is asking you to respond to your sister in a way which illuminates truth. Take this moment to be completely non-judgmental with her, then express unconditional love, which takes non-judgmentalism to its complete fulfillment. This will end her rant in its tracks and turn her awareness deeply within herself. 

The fact that she feels so comfortable with you, and trusts in your love so much that she feels safe expression her opinion is totally reason to rejoice. You have a clear mirror which will not lie to you. The more horrible her insults, the more clearly defined your position. When people are rude or cruel, they give the gift of clear definition of what we don't want. This really is a gift which allows one to appreciate ones own Divine reality. 

It is worse when people simply lie so they do not hurt your feelings, or don't care enough about you to say what they really feel. Even if the message is not pretty, one can be grateful for a relationship where one knows precisely what the other person is thinking and feeling. Then you know exactly how to position yourself. Responding to negativity with positivity not only protects you from the negative, it literally restructures the underlying reality of the situation and often the relationship itself. She has sacrificed herself to help you see what you don't want to be. What a gift! Then be the opposite of the horrible warning which she is so clearly offering. It is so much easier to be amazing when the opposite path is clearly defined.

The relationships which are the most dysfunctional are those were you can't tell where the other person stands at all. Again, meet this by being absolutely clear where you stand. Relationships are based on trust, and trust is based on honesty. Authentic communication is basic to a functional relationship. If the other person is ambiguous, unclear, or dishonest, then trust cannot build. Do not be fooled that there is a valid relationship in a case like this. You need a foundation of honesty to create a real relationship which has any chance of lasting. Honesty needs to go both ways. If you are giving it but not getting it, then it is time to look elsewhere for closeness.

People are attracted to you, not because you are talented, or awesome in some way. They want to be with you because of how they feel about themselves in your presence. When you see the Divine shining through the personality, physiology, or soul of another, then they find themselves rising to the value of their own Divinity. This is evolutionary for them and for you. Since life is a field of constant change, people always favor situations, relationships, and circumstances which reflect progressive change. Seeing God in all things, especially other people, will spontaneously structure relationships which lead all parties to their highest potential.

Thank you again for the great question. I hope all this helps. You deserve to feel good about yourself and everyone else. 

Love and gratitude,
Dorothy